Stress

Today was my bad day. I feel so stress. Too many thing come across me and I know myself cant handle anymore. Why wanna force me to the limit ? Do you guys know I so suffer to stay under stress and pressure ? You guys never understand my feelings. How I wish I can jump into the sea or just bang my head real hard and die. I cant any solution anymore, can anyone lend me hand ? I wanted to find someone to have a talk but then I know I no friend actually. When I need someone to talk with and you did text me at this time, never knew that stress so much like me too. Trying to cheer you up but me myself still not in a condition. What a bad day for us today. You told me nothing important than living alive and ask me to look carefully to the sky cause the sky is smiling and said doesn't matters to me. I look into the sky and I was thinking is that real ? I found the answer after I staring in the sky. Thanks for cheer my day tiny. I know you very stress but still need to cheer me up, I felt so sorry to you cause I cant help on anything. Can really feel that you're so down tonight cause you not as usual and chat a lots and even not much talk with family. Plus oil tiny, I know you can go through and I will always support you. I will always be your listener. 

Never and ever a replacement.

Was thinking the whole night. I wonder what you guys said is true or not, am I just get you as replacement ? But I've to admit that I never forget about her. I knew she's gone and never came back. But I know she is the one I love the most but she become a history already. And I know who I want the most. I never treat you as replacement since I realize I had feelings towards to you. I admit that you got a lots of things same like her but you are still you. I understand that nobody gonna believe that you not a replacement for me, but me myself known well what I'm doing. There's no replacement occurs in my life. 

Why ? Just wonder why ?

Is quite a bad night for me and you too. I just received your text and said you felt so down. I wonder what's happening but you never tell me. Trying to cheer you up but I failed. Tell me what else should I do to make you happy ? You said you wanna had some Vodka, I wanted to stop but I know I have no right to stopping you for doing anything. You asked me what should mixed with Vodka so make it taste smoothly. I told is just some kind of small problem but until I accidentally click on your Twitter and I finally understand what's going on. I know is hard for you to put down but I hope you can put it down still. But I really heart pain to see you suffering. I know you're a tough gal but why this time you can't be tough enough to face the fact ? I know I'm not a good person and I never hope that you will accept me. I just hope that you willing to share all your unhappy stuff with me. That's enough for me already. How I wish I can share your sadness and make you happy all the time. 

First time felt so scare.

After whole day suffering, finally I went to check up. The doctor said its heart attack symptoms with 80 percents sure but still need do body scanning tomorrow. After knowing this problem, I felt that I never really love my body before. I spoiled it by myself. I smoke I taking alcohol and many bad habits. Finally, I started regret for all I did but is too late. At first I was not scared, but more I think of effect of heart attack more I scared of heart attack. What I'm doing now is telling myself, Just face the fact, MAX !! that's your body, stupid !! Mood swing the whole night.. Trying to find someone talk to but nobody is free :( Well.. might as well I go sleep and face the fact tomorrow :( Dear Jesus, will you bless me tomorrow ? I really hope you do :(